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5 Things You Learn When You Date Someone Who Identifies As Genderqueer

Written by John Manyasi (TheButler)

John's deep appreciation for Traditional Kenyan Cuisine was developed at a young age growing up in Nairobi, Kenya, where he was exposed to a variety of foods that would fuel his life long passion for cooking.

April 21, 2023

Instead, they identify with several gender identities — or no gender identity — at different times. Medical News Today uses definitions of sexual, romantic, and gender identities that come from LGBTQIA+ and ally sources. Aisle delete However, it is important to note that these identities are personal, and people may define them differently. Always refer to a person’s sexual, romantic, or gender identity the same way the person describes it.

As a nonbinary man, I’m not comfortable dating straight men or lesbians since I’m not female-aligned. I’d also be a bit offended if a straight woman told me she was now bisexual because she found me attractive (as it implies she doesn’t see me as male at all, even though that’s my primary identity). A nonbinary person may be comfortable dating straight men and lesbians, while another may only want to date bi- or pansexuals. But that doesn’t mean that only these labels include nonbinary people. While some people would naturally not be interested in certain nonbinary people (e.g., a lesbian wouldn’t want to pursue nonbinary men), it’s ignorant and nonviable to say they’re never attracted to any of us. In any case, fancying a bigender or genderfluid person may indicate — if one views their identity in full — bisexuality.³ Liking genderless people doesn’t necessarily change anyone’s sexuality.

How to Know if You Are Genderfluid

If you answered yes to two or more of the questions, you are likely genderfluid. If you really like someone, their gender can feel like an afterthought. But whether it’s important to you or not, it’s definitely important to them, and that means it’s worth putting in the effort to figure out how to be a good partner when it comes to this part of their identity. This plurality of approaches to gender has given us terms like “non-binary,” “genderqueer,” and “genderfluid,” among others.

You might be familiar with pronouns already, but for clarification, gender pronouns are what we use to refer to someone with besides their name. Pronouns can affirm someone’s gender, reduce dysphoria, and are part of gender expression. Many genderfluid people use all pronouns or certain sets of pronouns, such as she/he/they or he/xe. Whatever works for you and makes you comfortable is perfectly fine.

Even cisgender people can benefit from loosening/abandoning gender norms and expectations.

But these general population numbers are much lower than those found in trans populations, suggesting there are likely other factors at play among trans folks. In a 2018 study of more than 80,000 9th and 11th graders in Minnesota, US, 3% said they saw themselves as “transgender, genderqueer, gender fluid, or unsure of their gender identity”. A person who can form enduring physical, romantic, and/or emotional attractions to those of the same gender or more than one gender. People may experience this attraction in differing ways and degrees over their lifetime. Bisexual people need not have had specific sexual experiences to be bisexual; they need not have had any sexual experience at all to identify as bisexual.

There are movies about straight relationships, books, songs, and a horde of people with experience in straight relationships willing and able to dole out advice on them. In a Facebook post about transphobia and the drag scene, Monsoon stated “I, myself do not identify as cis-gendered. I am genderless.” Rain uses her naturally androgynous look to model for both men’s and women’s lines of clothing & identifies as genderqueer or gender variant. “I have always identified a fair amount with the female gender….. Masculinity to me has always made me feel like it wasn’t right for me.” Expanding the language you use to describe your sexuality can provide important guidance, validation, and access to community while on your journey of sexual self-discovery and satisfaction.

But some people claim almost complete reversal of their sexual orientation. For example, 13% of the trans women in the 2005 study switched from exclusive or primary attraction to women to exclusive or primary attraction to men . Of the trans men in the 2013 study who were initially attracted to either men or women, 6-7% experienced a complete reversal. LGBTQIA+ is an abbreviation for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, asexual, and more. These terms are used to describe a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. See below for a more detailed definition of each term, from GLAAD’s LGBTQ Media Reference Guide.

Several problems arise from labeling identities that predate the Western binary system as “nonbinary.” Rather, I’m talking about people living under binary systems that deliberately identified outside of them. Take, for example, the bigender Thomas Hall and Jens Andersson, and the self-identified genderless Public Universal Friend (1752–1819). It’s safe to say nonbinary individuals have existed for centuries, at least. Nonbinary identities are too complex — some of them contradictory — to define sexuality around them in the first place; people of any sexuality can be attracted to nonbinary individuals. Do “female” and “neutrois” constitute more than one gender? A genderfluid person does not have to alternate between being feminine and masculine each day.

I just had felt completely different my entire life.” But the more education they got about the range of possibilities outside the gender binary of ‘woman’ or ‘man’, the more they felt they related. When I would try to be more “manly” for people I, became a square peg trying to fit into the triangle slot. Even as a kid, I knew I was different from other kids who were AMAB .

It could also help you find a community and express your gender to others. You don’t have to choose a description if you don’t want to. Ideally, you shouldn’t feel pressured to identify as anything unless you want to. For many gender-fluid people, it’s an internal shift they might not want to express outwardly. These people might refer to themselves as “gender-fluid,” which means their gender can change.

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